The local newspaper highlights the top 5’s in singles, albums, DVD’s, movies, TV shows…all the neat categories. On top is the byline "Just so you know….in case it comes up."

I went to a party a while back, and it did come up. Fool that I am, I had not read the lists.

Partygoer 1: Hey, look who’s here! Tom Sheepandgoats!
Partygoer 2: Tom, what’s happening?
Tom Sheepandgoats: Hey.
Partygoer 1: How about that new #1 song. Tom Sheepandgoats? What do ya think?
Tom Sheepandgoats: Yeah….(gulp) ….it‘s….nice.
I stuffed pretzels in my mouth to buy time.
Partygoers 1 and 2: Nice?! Tom, you’re a beaut! C’mon, what did you really think?
Tom Sheepandgoats: Uh…it was….way cool. I so liked it.   [better change the subject]   By the way, what do you think George Bush is…..
Partygoer 3: Who cares? What about the song, Tom Sheepandgoats? What do you like about it?

Since we were talking issues, quite a few had begun to gather.

Partygoers 1-12, at intervals: Yeah, Tom Sheepandgoats, yeah. Tell us, what did you like about it?

Tom Sheepandgoats: Well…I…uh….like the….uh….harmony.
Partygoers 1-20: On a rap song???

Partygoer on the other side of room: Hey, how ‘bout that Scarlet Johansen from that new hit movie? Is she one hot babe, or what?
As one person, partygoers 1-20 abandoned me for the new light.

It only worsened. Here and there I ventured a remark about personal fulfillment, family, or spirituality. But my party mates just rolled their eyes. I didn’t know the lists, and they knew I didn’t know. Was it my imagination, or did I hear the host and hostess bickering over just whose bright idea it was to invite me anyhow?

I understand their disappointment. After all, if one does not know the top 5’s, what…..and let us not mince words here….what good is he?

I won’t repeat the blunder. When I fetch the paper now, I read the lists straightaway. It may….it certainly will….come up again. But no one has invited me anywhere since.