William Paley and the Watchmaker Analogy
Dick Van Dyke at 81

Mr. Hevasi Sorry About the Chauffer

It was the filthiest, the slimiest, the most slanderous election campaign in memory. How many times can one guy accuse the other of whoremongering before you just donate your TV to the VOA? Outraged voters are demanding laws so they won’t be subjected to it ever again.

A law won’t be needed, however. This past election saw a new campaign technique which was so unexpected and so successful that it will, for sure, replace negative campaign ads. Trouble is, it’s even worse.

New York State Comptroller Alan Hevasi, up for re-election, was the catalyst. They said he redirected an underling to be family chauffer, all at taxpayer’s expense! Mr. Hevasi wasted no time to tell us that he merely “forgot” and that he was “sorry.”

But this explanation wasn’t reassuring from someone who’s job is to monitor spending. What if the New York Yankees “forgot” the rules of baseball? What if the Los Angeles Lakers “forgot” how to play basketball? What if even our own beloved Buffalo Bills "forgot" how to…..um….well…..the Yankees and the Lakers, anyway.

So Mr. Hevasi switched explanations. His family had received death threats! That’s why they needed a State chauffer. But the comptroller isn’t really the James Bond type. People didn’t empathize, so he moved on.

His next move was absolutely breathtaking! He said, in his ads, he’d made a dumb move! Yes, he’d been dumb, and he was sorry! No attempt to cover his rear end! No attempt to swipe at the other guy! I’ve never seen anything like it.

Voters loved it! They forgave all, and restored him to his post.

How this successful new tactic will affect the next campaign is too scary to contemplate:

“I made a dumb move!”
“I, too, made a dumb move!”
“Yes, but I made a dumber move!”
“Well, I made two dumb moves, and I am dumb!”
“I’m dumber than you and made so many dumb moves I need a scorecard!!”

In the future, we may look back to 2006 as the good old days.

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