Good Evangelicals, Bad Evangelicals
Engardio, Gobitus, and the Flag Salute

Cashing in on Safety

When life hands you lemons, make vinegar!

Many people do that. I used to do it myself, but at long last, I've seen the light. Now I make lemonade. This stems from contemplating the experience of a former associate, Tom Whitepebble.

It came about years ago in an unusual way. Whitepebble was assembling a 6 shelf wood cabinet for his wife, Mrs. Whitepebble, when he came across the chilling instruction that he had to do such and such just so. If he didn't the unit might tip over, causing injury or death! (He showed me the instructions - the caution was highlighted.)

This scared the ever-loving daylights out of him. He called a state-certified carpenter right away. While the carpenter assembled the cabinet (doing exactly what Whitepebble had been doing) Tom watched from a safe distance, in a nearby chair with hard hat on and seat belt fastened. He was safe, and this truly was lemonade. But then the carpenter handed him the bill. It was more than the cost of the cabinet! That was vinegar. And yet it stimulated some soul-searching.

It must be admitted that we don't pay a lot at the Carriertom Into-Wishen Research Institute. Our associates scrape by any way they can.  So Whitepebble, for a time, delivered newspapers. Now the scripture is true:

Have you beheld a man skillful in his work? Before kings is where he will station himself; he will not station himself before commonplace men.     Prov 22:29

Because Tom worked hard at his craft, he became an internationally known newspaper carrier, which surprised all of us. He was followed everywhere by the paparazzi. While you might imagine this would bring him satisfaction, he reports it was a pain in the neck. Checking into the Hyatt or someplace, he dreaded being recognized by staff, because invariably they would pester him to deliver the courtesy newspapers. But he didn't want to deliver courtesy papers. He wanted to sleep in late with his pretty wife, Mrs. Whitepebble.

But his cabinet experience and the current safety obsession got him thinking, and he launched Safe Courtesy, Inc, the billion dollar enterprise, which you have no doubt heard of and are jealous over. No?  Well, is it Whitepebble's fault that you don't keep up?

You see, these same hotel people that he used to hide from, he now approached aggressively,  just as if he were in the ministry! They were crazy to deliver courtesy papers themselves! Did they have any idea how dangerous it could be? Suppose you tripped climbing the stairs. Suppose the newspapers caught fire! That could easily be curtains for you. His sales pitch caught on. He would ensure safe delivery of  the courtesy papers! Tom scoured the very earth for expert carriers, certified triple-80, each one of them. (80 decibel payload on the storm door, at 80 paces, with 80% accuracy)  It is fair to say that he has the courtesy delivery field wrapped up, and now, when he (infrequently) visits the Institute, he does nothing but brag about his money. He then proceeded to buy up the Carriertom Into-Wishen Research Institute and rename it the Whitepebble Institute!

There's money to be made in today's safety craze. It's not vinegar. It's lemonade. Drink up!



Tom Irregardless and Me               No Fake News but Plenty of Hogwash

Defending Jehovah’s Witnesses with style from attacks... in Russia, with the book ‘I Don’t Know Why We Persecute Jehovah’s Witnesses—Searching for the Why’ (free).... and in the West, with the book, 'In the Last of the Last Days: Faith in the Age of Dysfunction'




I just wanted to thank you for your patient explanations and the discussion we had on my blog about religion.

We're quite the opposite and I must admit that I still have stereotypes, like everyone I guess... not that much about Jehovah Witnesses but about religion in general.

I'm actually quite amazed so many people gather on this post to discuss politely and respectfully. As a full time atheist but a humanist, I feel really good about that ! ;-)

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