Brothers worldwide have flooded me with requests to report on how Mr. Claus is doing on his Bible study. Or at least you never know when they may start.

I am happy to say he has been doing very well. Ever since that recent Watchtower on beards he is enthused. He drinks in information during each study – he’s a very eager student. And he loves the meetings. It’s even a little annoying. If the speaker makes even the lamest attempt at humor – say, he makes some crack about the microphone being too high or too low for him because the previous speaker was a giant or a pygmy, Mr. Claus will burst out with an earth-shaking  ‘HO! HO! HO!’ which is beginning to get on everyone’s nerves.

In fact, he can be so disruptive that the elders asked him (and me – keep him company) to sit in the second auditorium. As we entered that room, he said to me that the elders were ‘bad.’ He’s very judgmental that way, always trying to separate the good from the bad.

Lately I have become concerned. He canceled his study for tonight. A ‘prior engagement,’ he said. Of course, I nosed around until I discovered what he intended to do. And I didn’t like it! Surely, it’s a violation of Bible principles! Of course, a new student progresses at his own rate or not at all – it’s completely up to him. But I will help him see how he can better please God.

“Of course, you do what you like. But you are making such good progress, and I know you want to move forward, so I will tell you things that haven’t yet come up in your study, and you can incorporate them as you wish,” I began.

“So, you really are going to fly throughout the whole world in a sleigh pulled by animals that don’t normally fly, through frigid weather, and slide down millions of chimneys (at your age and girth!) with presents in the middle of the night? That is clearly an extreme sport and disrespects the precious gift of life!”

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Read ‘Tom Irregardless and Me.’    30% free preview

Starting with Prince, a fierce and frolicking defense of Jehovah’s Witnesses. A riotous romp through their way of life. “We have become a theatrical spectacle in the world, and to angels and to men,” the Bible verse says. That being the case, let’s give them some theater! Let’s skewer the liars who slander the Christ! Let’s pull down the house on the axis lords! Let the seed-pickers unite!