Fleas, fleas, fleas….

What would you do if I swallowed your cat?
Would you stand up and walk out on me.
Give me a break; he was juicy and fat.
You should take it not so personally.

Oh I get by with a little help from you chumps
Please understand when I bark you should jump.
Here is a shovel – go pick up my dumps.

"How do you feel when you’re left by yourself?"
Don’t worry about it, I’ll be fine.
"What do you see on the counter or shelf?"
I can’t tell you but I know its mine.

Oh I get by with a little help from you chumps
Please understand when I bark you should jump.
Here is a shovel – go pick up my dumps.

"Do you need anybody?"
I just need someone naïve.
"Could it be anybody?"
So long as he is naïve.

"Would you believe they'll catch on to your tricks?"
No, I’m certain that won’t happen anytime.
"Can you conceive they will give you the slip?"
No, they're stupid, and their hearts are mine.

Oh I get by with a little help from you chumps
Please understand when I bark you should jump.
Here is a shovel – go pick up my dumps.

(And kindly chill if another dog I should hump)

Yes, I get by with a little help from you chuh -
with a little help from you CHUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUMPS!!*

(*You can sing it non-profit but just remember where it came from. It is not yours)

***

We arrived home to find the dog on the phone to the animal rights people, who took its side and wrote me a blistering letter.

”It is an intolerable violation of my rights to banish me from the kitchen!” it complained. “I like macadamia nuts. It’s not my fault that he leaves them in a cupboard that I’ve learned to open. What do I care if he drops a few hundred at the vet? He can’t take it with him!”