It is a good thing for you people that I keep up with multiple universes and know how to connect the dots! Thus I can see right through the machinations of the GitHub Arctic Code Vault, which you should see right now. I know the forces truly at work.
GASP! “Northernmost town in the world?”
We know who lives there.
So it is HE who is gathering data on us!
It is HE who pulls off the most sinister ruse of all time, under the guise of children’s beneficiary!
EVERYONE except some religious oddballs lets this agent into their homes with open arms each year! They’ve done so for two centuries!
Dropping off presents takes two seconds. What does he do with the REMAINDER of his time—rummaging through file cabinets while sugar plums are dancing through our heads? And we even leave COOKIES for him, little suspecting that he is planting his own cookies on our hard drives so as to enable MIND CONTROL!
Where are the anti-cultists when you need them?
It is the mother of all conspiracy theories revealed!