The Master Could Have Worked With It
The Gospel of Ehrman According to Mark

The Bible as an Ouija Board

The ‘ol pork chop heard of some using the Bible as an Ouija board and he didn’t like it. “God does NOT interfere with the experiment today,” he said. “Not in big ways. Not in small ways.”

Does one not have to readjust ones who need it, reprove those who contradict, soothe those who have doubts? Yes.

Dear Pork Chop:

The basic problem here is that you have a rotten attitude. Furthermore, if you will just play along with me a bit, I should be able to demonstrate to you your error. 

I want you to think of one of your problems, get all prayery over it, and then open your Bible. You will see that you have opened to exactly the right spot that shows the solution to your problem.

Okay? Got a problem in mind? Ready? Set? Go!

Alright, what do you have?

Okay....okay....alright, well maybe it doesn’t work every single time. No, I agree. Knowing how long they all lived in Genesis may not be the ticket for you. 

Try again. Okay? Got another problem in mind? Ready? Set? Go!

Alright, what do you have?

Oh, for crying out loud! Put the Bible back on the shelf, you ‘ol pork chop, and go back to feeding your chickens. I don’t want to hear about what Canaan might have done to his grandpa!

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