A sister at our Sunday meeting said she invites all telephone solicitors to the Memorial. She thereby resolved a minor crisis for me.

I have been assigned the 3 minute talk this week. Invite someone to the Memorial and show them how to locate a meeting in his area via the website. The implication is that this is not door-to-door. If it was, the matter of locating a meeting would not come up. Just go where the tract says.

So, the assignment calls for me to do something I would never do in real life. I’m all for ‘Jesus at the well’ conversations, but it would be a very unusual circumstance for it to escalate to a Memorial invitation in such a short span. Not saying some can’t do it. It’s just not my M.O. I figured I’d probably end up doing it the door-to-door way, meeting a person who will be out of town that day.

But then, viola! that sister’s comment. I told my householder to push an extended car warranty (his choice of scams) for all it was worth. Return to the subject at least twice, but on the third time, let me carry the ball. Point out then that he really would like to go but how? It is not as though he is in my area.

I’ll write it out here to get it in my head better. I’ll rehearse briefly with my householder this afternoon over the phone. Word for word is not necessary; a dry run to get in the spirit of things is all I’m after.

”Hello, is this Mr. TrueTom?”

”This is he.” [You don’t say ‘yes’ because some of these liars use a recorded ‘yes’ in your voice to work other mischief. In fact, I had some reservations about enacting this at all. These people are very good at what they do. But in the end, I thought it was worth it to get a ‘G’ Besides, now that there is Chat GBT, they can do what they want with or without your cooperation.]

”I’m calling about your car warranty. It’s about to run out. I want to extend it for you so you will be protected from unexpected repair costs.

”I almost never answer the phone from unrecognized numbers. Do you know why I did it today?”

“Um—well, no.”

”It turns out there is a big event coming up. We’re inviting people. We do it every year. I’m doing it this year. It is the memorial of Christ’s death, which will be celebrated this Sunday. I’m inviting you. If you and your family are able to attend, we’d love to have you.”

”But, Mr. Truetom, do you know the average cost of auto repairs now is almost $1000? And if it comes up unexpectedly, all at once, it is a crushing burden! With an extended warranty, you can manage future costs and protect your family.”

”I’m sure it’s a very fine product, but—C’mon! It can’t be as important as Christ’s death. I’ll go back to not answering calls next week, but this week I . . .”

”$150. an hour! That’s what AutoNerd.com says is the labor rate today for auto mechanics! You don’t want to find yourself without  . . .”

”Yeah, I don’t want it.”

“No? But why would you not want  . . “

”I dunno, I just don’t. I do want to celebrate the Memorial, though. Jesus actually said, ‘Keep doing this in remembrance of me until I come.” So Jehovah’s Witnesses do. Every year. It begins with a talk that explains just how his death benefits us. Seriously—I’d like you to come if you can.”

”I’m not a Christian.”

”You don’t have to be. It turns out that his death can benefit people whether they’re Christian or not. That’s why there’s a talk first—so you can see if it makes sense to you.”

”Well, it really does sound interesting to me, but I’m not in your area.”

“Again, it doesn’t matter. You can find one online. Can you remember two letters? J W? You know, Jehovah’s Witnesses—J W. Just go to JW.org. Scroll to the bottom. You’ll find a link to ‘Memorial’. Click on that. Then you’ll find a link to ‘Find a Memorial.’ Please come. I think you would like it.”

“I may. Thank you. You’re not posting this on your blog, though, are you?”

*****  The bookstore